Transatlantic Touch

I stretch my hand out under the covers

Searching for your transatlantic touch

Tracing your body with my coloured nails 

My cold feet twisted up 

Fighting with my mind

Enemies of the night

I question if I made the right call

Turning away without a fight

Choking at my words

I can’t admit the truth 

That I loved you and never said

And locked up my emotions instead 

Who am I to define what I mean by love

But you were my safe space

The person I wanted to run to

And tell about my day

You were my make believe boy 

Romanticised for the smallest things

Despite not showing up in ways I’d hope

Leaving me to feel like nothingness questioning my worth

I ask myself if any of it was real?

Did you care? 

Have feelings there?

Or was it just a lustful affair

Crossing transatlantic lines

I came back time and time again 

Searching for your touch

Left to be your spare